Saturday, June 11

I know.

It's almost been one year. One year since I saw him for the first time. One year since I had some kind of crush on him. One year since I started to confess that I like him..
Him. Oh, him. He's just so.. I don't know. I can't tell you what the meaning of him in my life, in my heart. Actually he's just my nobody. And I'm his nobody. But there's something when I see him. When I hear his voice.
I know I've acted like a stalker. I stalk him, kinda. But I couldn't help it! I just wanna see him, his face, him playing soccer, everything about him.
I know his habbits at school, sort of. I know he always stays a little longer in the mosque after pray. I know he likes to play soccer. I know he took futsal extracurricular. I know his motorcycle (?). I know, I know. And I know he has a girlfriend. A freakin beautiful and perfect girlfriend. I'm heartbroken, I admit it. He makes me fell for him, and broke my heart like it's nothing. I know it's not his fault. He doesn't know that I like him, does he? So actually it's nobody's fault that my heart broke.
I know 'the time' has come. The time when he'll leave me, he'll go, he'll out of my sight, he'll nowhere for me to be found.
I know I can't chase and run after him, to confess all of my feelings.. I know it's too late..
I know I should be happy for him, yes I'm happy, but I don't want him to go, eventhough he has to, and he wants to. I know I can't stop him.
I know things would be different: school without seeing him. I know it'll felt weird.
I know I'd cry, or drop some tears, or whatever. I'm nothing, we're nothing.
And I know life has to go on. I know I have to go on.. Move on. Forget. Let go. Well, I'll try.

When he's about to go, all I could do is hoping. Hoping that I'd see him again, someday, hoping that he'll loves me back, and live happily ever-after. But that's too much to hope. That just gonna broke my heart again. Ya Allah, save him, save me.
And this shows my expression when I write this:

-heidirahandayani. sorry if my english is bad. but I know I'd burst into tears if I write it in Indonesian. Thanks for reading.

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