Tuesday, June 4

The Existential Crisis. (what do I really want to do?!)

what do i really wanna do?

Before I get to the point of the problem, I'd like to tell you where it all began.

So today when I surf around youtube (one of the best things to make me entertained and happy, really) I found another cool youtuber/vlogger, another british boy named Dan Howell or known as danisnotonfire. 
Aaand I watched one of his video titled Draw My Life. Draw My Life is a popular kind of video in youtube, where vloggers (like bloggers but just...using videos. you know.)
And in his videos, Dan told a story about his childhood; and his experiences until he decided to be a professional vlogger. And guess what? Dan was a law student. And as a child, Dan wanted to become an actor. But as he grew older, just like pretty much everybody else, he got a new interest and he didn't want to be an actor anymore. Sooo he got into college and took major in law. (something to make him employable, he thought.)
BUT. Somewhere along the way, he experienced what he call an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS where he thought "Oh, law is so boring, this is not what I wanted to do, OH GOD IT'S TOO LATE to go back" and those kind of things. And well. He decided to work on his youtube seriously and became, yay, a professional vlogger! And he admitted that he loves what he do, and regretted why he didn't do it sooner.
Dan's existential crisis.
So, let's get back to my story.
And after I watched that video, I sort of came across the sudden revelation of; "Does what I always wanna be is what I really wanna be?"
This is the truth: since I was a child, I've always wanted to be a doctor. Well, not really, because there was a time where I wanted to be an archeologist and racer and astronout, but to be a doctor is my most rational future plan. And well, as I grew older and I started to see more of the world and sort of exploring my talent, I also found out that I'm really interested in linguistic stuff. I love to read, write, and just....learning foreign languages.But for me, I think the future of a linguist is not entirely promising. I mean...what if nobody like something we write? But being a doctor is quite promising, even if the studies are really hard and not to mention, expensive.
And then I thought, what if I ended up like Dan? What if I already got into medschool and I dropped out because I don't feel like doing it anymore? What if I make the wrong choice of college? Heck, what if I make a wrong choice in high school's penjurusan? My mind was full of What Ifs.
my existential crisis.

I got confused for awhile. Because, really, I want to be a doctor and a writer or anything to do with languages. But we can't just simply do both if we want to learn about it in college. And then after I thought of this for some time, I conclude: I AM TOTALLY OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING. And, ah, fuck this, why don't wait and see? I mean, I'm just an unstable labile teenager who tends to like a thing and then dislike it the next second and still have pretty much a few time to find out what I want to do. Just....let me enjoy what I like now. I will be in high school next month, so I figured that, I'll see what I do better: science or language. And find out where my true passion lies. Waiting for the 'It' moment when you feel like: "AHA! THIS is what I want to do" and after I find out what you want to do, I have to give my best efforts to be good at it.
And just in case any of you have the same problem as me, just relax, you're not the only one confused and this is totally normal. And, uhh, just...take it easy. Do what you like best and what you most comfortable doing it. Reach your dream! Because every work or job will be easier if you pour your heart in your efforts. 

I hope we all end up like Dan: finally finding out what his real passion and be successful in it.
That's all I want to say to you guys.
I hope you enjoy this and good luck!

Heidiisnotonfire.(because I'm totally obsessed with Dan!)

p.s: -forgive me if there's any grammatical error, but I totally felt like writing in english, this is a side-effect of watching vloggers' videos.
-you should totally check out Dan's youtube channel!

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