To: If you're reading this, and you probably don't, you know who you are.
Cc: Every person who has the same problem as mine.
Courage has no limit. I have no fear of height, or spiders, or darkness, but I think I just did one of the bravest thing in my entire life. I have no idea whether that was an impulsive act that I'm known of, or something I've been trying to tell you since long time ago, only I don't know how. Although most definitely it was the combination of both, I guess.
You know how people always exaggerate the whole 'confessing' thing. Considering that I have this biggest crush on you for almost four years (I know right), I thought something close to earth-shattering was gonna happen. It didn't. I didn't even feel that rush of adrenaline when you replied.
Oh, the way you replied. Just one word. It reminds me of Uchiha Sasuke before he left Konoha, he said only a phrase to the post-confessing Sakura before he knocked her to oblivion. That one phrase is: I'm sorry.
Wow, what a revelation.
One of my favorite band said that there's no starting over without finding closure. That's why I told you. I wanted to let it out, once and for all. So I can stop second-guessing and playing all the 'what-if's in my head. Not because I expected something, for I already knew what would your response be.
This part is for every people out there with so-thought 'unrequited love.' There will come a time when you finally realize that you have to stop romanticizing the things or people who hurt you. (Trust me, we all worth more than that). And that f you like someone, do it freely and without expectations. And if you're tired with your feelings being kept in the silence, well, what way is there but to say it? Don't be a stuck up and demanding him/her to be sensitive and understand your 'codes'. Most people are not fortune tellers.
I think the difficult part is not being honest, but to stop hesitating. To get rid of every nagging feeling inside your tiny, insecure heart. But this is not the first time I confessed. The first time was back in sixth (or fifth?) grade. I had this silly childhood crush on one of my bestfriend--his name is Dion if you're wondering--and out of nowhere I asked him whom does he like. He mentioned a name which is not mine, but then I still said that I like him anyway. Wow, I have a knack of bravery. After that we wen't back to being friends. What a simple life. But this is high-school. I'm no longer a ten-year old, and so are you. There's a long way behind us, a complicated knotted thread.
My friends asked me, aren't I scared to be avoided or being left? Damn no. However hard over heels I might be, I know that you're not the center of my universe. You don't pay for my life expenses, you're not my closest friend, and you sure as hell can't save me from Math remedials. So if you wanna walk away, then so be it.
This whole thing would be so much easier if I know how you feel toward me. Or try not to avoid the subject. But it's your privilege to share, not mine. I did mine, I have no right to ask for yours.
"I've become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and a girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live--If I'm able to, then perhaps I'll be closer to portraying a true expression of love." -Hayao Miyazaki.
Truth be told, I want us to be friends. I can only hope that you won't ignore me or forget my entire existence.Wishing you the best too, because you're an awesome person even if you're a jerk sometimes!
I'm going to end this by quoting Coldplay,
"I don't care, go on and tear me apart. Cause in a sky full of stars, I think I see you"